Day One. Leaving London, the weather is typically miserable. The underground was dirty, the crowds in a hurry, the bus journey uneventful, and Stansted airport full of other cheap travellers. There was an Indian family lying down on the sofas designated for laptop users, and of course they refused to move despite lacking any intention to use a laptop (or perhaps even owning one). I removed them, though I won’t reveal how. The plane journey was also rather typical, until I decided to try and eat my packed lunch pasta. I didn’t have a fork, so I asked the wonderful(!) RyanAir girls for one. They declined my request, explaining they only have drink stirrers.
“No, I need something I can stab with.”